One of my favorite movies is The Matrix. There is a scene in which Neo is asked to choose between the blue pill or the red pill. The blue pill will allow him to go back to his reality of his life, and the red pill allows him to see the truth of his life fully.
Which would you choose?
I used to believe I was seeing the reality of my life fully. There was total understanding of who I was and why I conducted my life as I did. My actions seemed purposeful and leading to a well-defined goal.
Until it all came crashing down in 2012 — not surprisingly the year I turned 50.
The blue pill version of my life was all this understanding I possessed, and my actions were based on a faulty thought process:
Everyone one else was responsible for how shitty my life had become. The fact that my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be, my weight gain, my drinking, my lack of money, the job I hated, all the bad, was the fault of someone else. If only…my parents, my ex-husband, my boss, the world would (insert my desired behavior for them).
I had spent a lifetime blaming everyone else for my unhappiness.
What does taking responsibility mean exactly?
Being responsible for your own life and happiness is finding, accepting, and living the real truth of your life.
What is the truth of being responsible for your life?
It’s freedom. When you blame others you give up your power to change. I blamed my ex-husband for my drinking problem. If only he would behave a certain way I would stop drinking. Really? Just writing these words makes me cringe.
Oh, but you don’t understand. Yes, I said those words myself. Perhaps you’re right, I can’t truly understand. I don’t have to, nobody has to. It’s not about understanding, it’s about the truth of why you do what you do.
I drank because it numbed my pain. It took away the complete shittiness of my life for a few hours. The shitty life I created. That was the truth the bottle of Vodka hid from my view.
Being responsible for your own life means accepting the reality of what is really happening.
Between 2010 and 2012 I was so broke. It was the fault of my job because I thought they were cheap. It was the fault of my ex-husband because I had to leave him and had no one to share expenses with. The reality? I drank my money away. Period. I was broke because I spent a ton of money on alcohol.
Taking responsibility for your life allows you to embrace the essence of who you truly are.
Once I stopped blaming others and accepted the reality of what was really happening, my true self just appeared. She’d been there all the time. She was just hidden by a false reality.
My journey into this new found enlightenment began in March of 2012, when I quit my job, sold my stuff, and with no job and no money headed to the mountains of Colorado.
This sabbatical didn’t solve my problems but it gave me a hell of a head start to where I am today.
No one can tell you how you what your boots to the ground solution should be to confront the truth. For me, it was going 12 hours away from the toxic environment. For you…